They weighed me this morning. I feel fucking disgusting. It's been nearly two weeks and my weight has soared to nearly thirty-seven kilograms. Dictator Marie looked so triumphant when she saw the reading. I felt like crying. But then again, in a place like this crying is not acceptable. You have to learn to be stronger than ever. If things don't get to you then you have more of a chance of survival, and therefore escape.
Ashelle had actually managed to lose weight in the twelve days since I've been here. I don't know how she's done it. Now we're both just under thirty seven. I suppose we have it better than Jessica, who's tipped over forty-two and is on the verge of release. That, of course, is good news. Except for the fact that she's suicidal, so we're all watching out for her.
And Kimber Jade is still at roughly thirty-three. I could take a few lessons in willpower from her.
The girls have been absolutely wonderful to me, especially considering it's my first incarceration. They've supplied me with speed-based diet pills, which usually are enough to satiate my cravings. Between my cravings for speed and having food forced down my throat, I was in enough pain.
The four of us have made a pact. We are all going to get out of here alive. We're not going to let Marie break our spirits. Maybe that's why we've been deemed the troublemakers - because we simply will not give in so easily. We'll fight for what we believe in, and what we believe is that extreme thinness is the essence of beauty. We're the ones so pure and light, so cleansed inside. We don't have the rolls of fat on our arms. We are not the ones scoffing fatty, high-calorie fast foods in the mall. The thinner we are, the more beautiful we'll become.
And once we get out of this hell, the four of us are going to move out together. This will more than likely be into my terrace, considering the other three girls are probably not going to want to move back home. We'll only get thrown back in here again.
It's funny how a place like this can make people bond so quickly. I like to think of it as a concentration camp. You never know who they'll pick next and you never know if you're going to survive the experience. The atmosphere inside these barren walls is so desolate, the climate so inhospitable, that it's doubtful one can survive here alone.
I don't know if I can forgive Simon for this. I don't know what compelled him to do this to me and I don't understand why he hasn't come to break me free. He's left me in a chamber of horrors in a misguided show of affection. He thinks it's best for me, but how does he know what's best for me?
He's barely visited, and he seems distant when he does. And it's fairly obvious Simon simply doesn't approve of the other girls. I don't understand him sometimes, but there's nothing I can do about it. Sometimes I wonder if we're growing apart, and I shudder to think what would happen if that were the case...