Porcelain Mona (speckled_ray) wrote in fantaisiste,
Porcelain Mona

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Life is one giant rollercoaster.

My life is entirely upside down.

First of all, Confusion. We've been working for weeks to get the album up to scratch and it feels like we're going nowhere. Rory is being an absolute perfectionist - if we don't have something to show for our efforts soon then we could lose the deal. Am so stressed and tired. Terry, manager Terry, keeps pushing us and pushing us. Sometimes I want to kill him. Only the coke has been keeping me calm, able to face the world on some days.

Money is tight, although I don't want to admit it. My case against the police and my old employer has fallen flat - lawyer Terry decided there wasn't enough evidence to back us up. I can't believe it. Every time I think of the time I spent in jail I become so consumed with anger, the bitterness radiates from me and I find myself being horrible to people. Terry is being nice about it though, he's talked to friends of friends to find me accommodation and get me a job at Ticketek like I wanted. The only problem is that he stares at my breasts all the time. And while I'm grateful to him, there's no way I'm going to throw myself at this little upstart for a bedroom with electricity.

I went to see Dre a week or two ago in jail. He's a pathetic little creature now. Smaller and weaker. He held onto his self-righteousness to the point of desperation, I almost felt sorry for him. He's placed all his things in my care, I didn't tell him that most of it was being held for evidence. I'm to get $2000 tomorrow in my account if I don't say a word about my life with Dre to anyone. I don't think he's worth that much, so I'll take it. Don't anyone tell me that I'm selling my soul, because the world is damned anyway. I need to stay alive.

I'm currently staying in Crows Nest, in this crappy unit overlooking the Pacific Highway. The noise is terrible, but as I've been spending most of my time at the studio working to the point of exhaustion, this hasn't proved a problem. The place smells of must and piss, there's next to no furniture. Sparticus is not adjusting to it at all, I'm so worried that I will find him by the road one night.

Start work at Ticketek tomorrow. Have another group session at the studio tonight. Plase don't let me get fired on my first day.
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