*+=[Beccy]=+* (kissing_fish) wrote in fantaisiste,

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Simon: Falling Apart

I'm falling apart, and there is nothing I can do about it. I'm beginning to feel a sense of deja vu. It's happening again. The last time I felt this sense of hopelessness and despair was after Ryan died. Now it's happening again.

I'm seriously beginning to wonder whether I've done the right thing for Destiny in sending her to that place. Each time I've gone there, she's been more distant from the previous time. It's as though she doesn't want to know me, and sometimes I can't say I blame her. At least she's looking slightly healthier. But that doesn't count for anything when it's as though she doesn't want to speak to me or see me any more.

She seems to be a lot more interested in some little 'sisterhood' thing she's involved in. It seems to me that it's just the four girls who share a ward room trying to evade Marie and her cronies, but Destiny clung onto the other three like she had no one else in the world. That really stung, but I had to admit, they were the only ones she had in here, and my visiting times had been progressively cut down. They were down to fifteen minutes a day.

I'd just received a phone call from Marie, who had informed me that my privileges in visiting Destiny had just been suspended indefinitely. I broke down into tears on the phone, but not before Marie had informed me icily that it was Destiny's fault and she should stop being so selfish, couldn't she see that she was hurting me too? I slammed down the phone after that.

Who gives a fuck what Marie thinks! Destiny wasn't selfish. Marie's little regime was making her that way. I still held onto my little glimmer of hope, but admittedly (though I hated the fact) our hopes and dreams together were fading. Destiny and I were growing apart, if ever so slightly. But it was noticeable. I missed her so desperately, but there was no way out.

The problem was, I had no one to turn to. My parents - dead. Ryan - dead. Destiny - incarcerated in a living hell by me. How mistaken could one person have been?

Every so often, I talked to Scarlett but I didn't know whether she'd understand. I mean, Destiny had been a bitch to her upon meeting. Anyway, it wasn't like she wasn't stressed out enough. Something seemed a bit... well, I'm not exactly sure what. She has some new boyfriend. Half the time when I talked to her, she was happy and altogether fine. The other half... well, who knew what was going on there? Maybe she was just moody, or maybe it was just me. Something seemed to be going on there, but I didn't exactly want to get involved.

I hadn't taken up on her offer to get Destiny moved, because she seemed comfortable with those other three girls. I can imagine her reaction if I took her away from them. She'd accuse me of trying to rip her away from then, of trying to take people that meant something to her away.

I wish I knew what to do.
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